I’m not alright – A lesbian’s daughter speak out

If marriage 'equality' means denying children a mother or a father, where is the 'equality' for kids? The LGBTQI Lobby must own up to the fact that they cannot offer the same parenting outcomes a biological mother and biological father can. That's true equality. This heartbreaking letter from a child of 2 mothers sheds a light on a very important issue that cannot be ignored in the pursuit of 'equality' for all.

Dear LGBT Community,

I am not your daughter. I never carried a flag in one of your gay pride parades. I have never written a letter on your behalf to a congressman or anyone else, and I have never felt the need to make people accept the fact I am the daughter of a lesbian. Perhaps it’s because she never felt the need to force people to accept her for being one.

No, I would never align myself to a community as intolerant and self-absorbed as the LGBT community, a community that demands tolerance with fervor and passion, yet does not give it in return, even to its own members at times. In fact, this community attacks anyone who does not agree with them, no matter how lovingly any difference of opinion is expressed.

I myself am a product of the Lesbian Revolution of the 1980s. My mother always knew she liked girls, but tried hard to be a good, straight, southern Baptist girl. When I was a year old, she left my dad for another man, whom we lived with until I was somewhere around four years old. After the divorce, she told my father to leave, which he did, and in his own words, “I did because I knew I couldn’t fight the entire family to see you.” I cannot remember the man she left him for very well, but I can remember being happy living with him. It did not last, however, and when she left him, she left him for a woman.

Silencing People about Homosexuality Won’t Change What Kids Can See
I knew from a young age that living with two women was not natural. I could especially see it in the homes of my friends who had a mom and a dad. I spent as much time with those friends as I possibly could. I yearned for the affection that my friends received from their dads. I wanted to know what it was like to be held and cherished by a man, what it was like to live with one from day to day.

I yearned for the affection that my friends received from their dads. As far as I was concerned, I already had one mother; I did not need another. My dream was that my mother would decide she wanted to be with men again, but obviously that dream did not come true. My grandfathers and uncles did the best they could when it came to spending time with me and doing all the daddy-daughter stuff, but it was not the same as having a full-time father, and I knew it. It always felt secondhand.

Growing up without the presence of a man in my home damaged me personally. All I wanted from the time I was a little girl was a normal family. When I graduated high school, my thoughts were not entirely where they needed to be. While my friends were excited about college, a piece of me was missing, and I knew I would never feel whole until I found it.

Men Need Women Need Men
I had a desire unlike any other to create my own family and have stability, and this led to two extremely unhealthy relationships. Luckily, I found my way out of both, but after being hurt and used so badly, I decided happiness just was not meant for me. Shortly afterwards, I met my husband, and everything clicked. For the first time, I felt alive and complete. Having children and seeing a man parent a child for the first time was beautiful and awe-inspiring. It only reinforced my belief that a child needs a mother and a father, and that same-sex parenting and single parenting are far inferior to heterosexual parenting when done correctly.

Knowing next to nothing about males is hardly all that was hard about being raised by two women. It probably comes as no surprise that growing up in Podunk, Oklahoma, was not a walk in the park. Unlike other kids who were apparently raised in gay utopias, I grew up very alone and isolated. I was an only child and there weren’t other kids around like me to talk with and relate to. No one I knew understood what I struggled with each day, and I had no option but to keep it all inside.

As an adult, I have tried to talk to my mom about how difficult my life was, but she simply cannot relate because she was raised by a mom and a dad. As a child, I would not have spoken out about the way I was being raised, either. I love my mom. She was the center of my universe and the thought of saying something to outsiders that would have hurt her devastated me. Writing this letter right this very moment is devastating me.

Gay People and Their Children Don’t All Think Alike
But I am doing it anyway. I am doing it because people need to know that it is not all roses. The effects of growing up the way I did still plays a part in my life today. I was beyond self-conscious as a child, and constantly worried about what others thought of me. I was always terrified of someone finding out my mom was a lesbian and then wanting nothing to do with me. For most of my life, the perceived opinions of others have dominated, and only recently have I been able to let that go.

That is only the tip of the iceberg. The studies claiming we are just as well or better off than our peers raised by straight parents are hardly scientific in most cases, and do not represent us all. People need to know that some children of gay parents do not agree with gay adoption and marriage, just like some gay people themselves don’t agree with it, either! But you will notice that fact is not making headlines.

The Huffington Post published two responses to Heather Barwick’s recent letter here at The Federalist, and both were written by people who were raised with members of the opposite sex in the home—a male raised by women, and a female who had brothers present. It makes total sense that their experiences were not like mine and Heather’s, since we were both raised by women.

And just because one product of artificial insemination does not feel she was robbed does not mean others don’t. I am aware there are kids out there who disagree with my point of view, just like there are gays out there who disagree with the LGBT community’s point of view. But to suggest this is not a reason to validate and listen to a handful of children raised by gays, and who are against it, is ridiculous. After all, it is but a handful of people demanding we redefine marriage and parenting, and we all see how well that’s going.

Not Yours,

Brandi Walton

Brandi Walton grew up in southern Oklahoma as the only child in a lesbian household. She has decided to come forward at this time to discuss the issues surrounding children of homosexuals in hopes of educating the general public. She is married and is the mother of four children.

Read her original article in The Federalist

Share Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Follow us Facebooktwitterrssyoutube

29 Responses

  1. Wow. I’ve read this already, and as I did, I was actually thinking “Imagine if the Australian Marriage Forum actually published this.” And now it has? However this woman feels, this is just completely unjustified blatant hostility and animus to all LGBT people. The AMF wants people to think it’s not homophobic, but publishing this kind of stuff really does not help.

    Of course, it’s another case of someone being damaged by a straight divorce, not a gay rearing. Of course if you have a dad for the first few years of your life, you are going to prefer opposite-sex parents. A partner of the same sex would never be able to replace them. I get that. I would also think that if you are raised by a gay couple from birth, and then went to a straight couple, you would also have problems.

    • Sam

      At least with straight divorce there was every chance of a normal upbringing.

      Gay parenting is the ultimate in selfishness.

      It is not natural and using kids to validate your selfish relationship is one of the saddest kinds of child abuse I know.

      Save our children.

      • Okay, we need to clarify some things. I’m 18, not in a relationship and have no children. I’m also not gay (although I am bisexual). Think before saying “you” to me.

        Next, how are gay relationships selfish? Giving yourself to someone else, putting up with them and looking after them is one of the least selfish things I can imagine. What should gay people do? Force themselves to be with someone they don’t want to be with? What might that cause for them, their partners and their children? That’s how Brandi Walton got into this mess in the first place.

        Also, gay people have children for the same reasons straight people do: not to validate their relationship, but because of the natural drive to be a parent. But sometimes, the reasons are also altruistic, like when gay couples rescue vulnerable children by adopting them. Gay couples are more likely to adopt vulnerable children than straight couples. And according to a review of U.S. Census data released just in the last couple of days, they spend an hour more a day with their children than straight couples. How selfish of them.

        I agree that children need to be saved, but from your attitude, not mine. I am so lucky that I have had the parents that I have had. But that I am lucky is unfortunate. It should be completely normal.

    • “How ever this woman feels”?

      “This woman” has poured her heart out for all the world to understand how she felt being raised by a lesbian and the best you come out with is “however this woman feels”? This is just typical of the selfishness in the lgbt community.

      “This woman” is warning the rest the lgbt community NOT to steal a child’s right to a natural upbringing.

      “This woman” has every right to feel “blatant hostility and animus” (your words), it was her childhood that was stolen from her by an act of sheer selfish adult.

      I could go on but get over yourself Nick! Whilst her rights as a child were stolen from her from deep rooted adult selfishness, Brandi is exercising her rights now as an adult to vent her experiences. Why are you so uncomfortable with Brandi’s story?

      Nick, ou and the lgbt community need to learn how to tolorate people / humans with a different viewpoint without getting on the front foot and savaging them. Particularly where that viewpoint is expressed from the personal hardship this person experienced as a child.

      Shame on you!

      • A number of points:

        My use of the term “however this woman feels” was intended to show deference to her feelings. I deliberately left the matter open because I did not wish to specifically comment on her feelings. I respect her feelings. I can tell that she has suffered. I do feel sorry for her for that, and her story shows why gay people should not marry someone of the opposite sex. I just don’t think it justified her animus.

        She has a right to feel animus; we all have a right to feel whatever we want. But I think that a) a right to something doesn’t mean you should do it, and b) her animus was misdirected. She attacked the whole LGBT community because of her bad experience that was due to a few people.

        I’m not uncomfortable with her story. I can tell that she has suffered. I do feel sorry for her for that. What I’m uncomfortable with is the way she expressed herself. For expressing disapproval of it, you accused me of “getting on the front foot and savaging” her. But my language was much more moderate than hers. You also talked about tolerance, but tolerance is not violated by criticism. The right to have your speech tolerated is not the right to have it not criticized.

        Feel free to criticize me all you want. I can take it.

  2. Sam

    Nobody has the guts to say that two homosexuals obtaining a child of the same sex that only one can be the biological parent.

    The other is attracted to that sex, even if later in years. This will end in tears.

    There have already been cases of homosexual couples adopting for all the wrong reasons. This is a small spoilt section of the population that want’s everything their way. Local governments fly their flags (sometimes in preference to the Australian flag). It is time for more people and more organizations like AMF (Congratulations I have donated) to speak out and stop the rot now.

    Same sex couples have every right to be happy and equal in law but leave marriage alone the word is taken and leave children out of it too.

    • That’s not actually true. In less than two years, it’s very possible that thanks to stem cells, same-sex couples will be able to have dual biological children.

  3. If the LGBT community wants to show that they are not solely focused on their own needs and views they will take very seriously the thoughts, needs and feelings of the children raised in their homes. The human rights of children are being ignored and abused.

  4. Children do best when they have a mother and a father in their family unit who provide both a male and a female gender role model and the experience of motherhood and fatherhood. If a child’s legal guardian or guardians are unable or unwilling to do so the state must intervene. A ‘designated’ mother or father would ideally be a relative or family friend, but could also be a state funded care worker. A woman cannot be a father to a little boy or girl, just as a man cannot be a mother for a little girl or boy.

    • Same-sex couples (at least male ones) are actually able to function like a straight couple. When two men raise a child, their brains adapt to the role of a mother and father. My source is “Gay Dad’s Brain Activity Like Moms And Dads” from Business Insider.

      I agree that some roles come to specific genders more naturally, but that doesn’t mean the other gender can’t do them at all. And in the case of a same-sex couple, they most likely will. Necessity is the mother of invention.

      • What are two dads going to do when their 10 yr old daughter needs help putting in a tampon to go swimming? Will their daughter feel sexually assaulted if her dad helps her put in a tampon?

        • I think they’ll be all right. That’s not exactly a broad area of parenting.

          • Nick, Are you going to tell me that as a dad you would help put a tampon in your daughter so she could go swimming? Not a big deal to you being a male, but I’m a female and I know how I would feel if my dad had done this to me. Men totally don’t see the bigger picture when they have children. This is one reason that mothers get left holding the baby. As a health care professional and a mother, I have seen plenty of situations over my 26yr years that I don’t think two dads are going to handle very well. Don’t say, “They’ll not be a big deal,” because I think one day your going to regret saying those words. I have taken my 3 children away for trips many times over the past years, but my husband hasn’t found taking care of the children an easy job and has not felt comfortable doing this on his own except if he goes to his mother’s place. I don’t see you or a male partner wanting to change hundreds of dirty poo-we nappies. Let alone teaching your daughter about getting her periods, and buying her tampon products in the supermarket etc. Your going to feel really comfortable asking people what products to buy. I am glad I had a mum and a dad when I think about all the embarrassing things I would have had to deal with if I had two dads.

        • What daughter would let her mother help her put a tampon on? I find that extremely odd and unnecessary. My mom has not even seen me naked after my first period came…

        • UM… what the hell? My MOTHER didn’t help me ‘put in a tampon’!!!! What a ridiculous question!?

          I’m sure same-sex dads will figure it out just like single dads and uncles and grandfathers who are left to care for children, for the many various sad reasons a child has lost its mother or father.

  5. Ash

    It is egotistical to assert that this personal account is in any way promoting homophobia or animosity towards anyone. It is a heartfelt life experience that begs the question of what is best for children. She has poured out her heart and experienced it all first hand – it is an indictment to invalidate such a point of view.

    Homosexuality is a choice made for personal gratification, especially when there children are involved. There is far more damage than good done in bringing children into a homosexual parental environment, and this testimony is living proof of it.

    The statistics mentioned above citing how much more time gay couples spend with their ‘children’ compared to other parents is no indicator of positive outcome. The primal bond of biological mother and father is one that is optimal. Our own selfishness often leads to this bond being purposefully broken, whether by divorce, desertion or dissatisfaction of sexual orientation.

  6. Nick seriously???
    Gaby Baby…..innocent children being used to produce gay lobby propaganda….OK to you? To me who has spent 35 years educating children…..adults using children to promote an adult agenda; this is unethical and disgraceful.
    A young adult sharing, at considerable personal risk in this PC confused world, intimate details of HER life story….To you….’ unjustified blatant hostility’. To me….her story is as sacred as yours and mine.
    The experience of someone who has lived gay parenting…To you; ‘animus to all LGBT people.’ To me, like others who have experienced childhoods in gay households and are speaking out against SSM….and gay parenting…..this young woman has every right to share her story of felt discrimination as any gay adult has of sharing theirs.
    You ask….’How are gay relationships selfish?’ ….giving yourself to someone else….one of the least selfish things I can imagine.’……you add…. ‘Gay people have children for the same reasons straight people do’….Nick leaving aside the known fact that the gay community is highly promiscuous, a gay person who unselfishly gives themselves to another (gay) person can’t have children….to acquire a child they must disregard the rights of the child to have what society has an obligation to afford them…..the best chance at normal that they can be afforded….starting with a father figure and a mother figure…so their childhood can be in the best way equal to yours. As a self proclaimed bisexual you have some serious soul searching to do if you aim to meet your own standard of selflessness when it comes to giving yourself to someONE else.

    • Gayby Baby is told by kids raised by same-sex parents who are happy, and voluntarily telling their story. It’s not exploitative. And it was made by a daughter of a same-sex couple who is happy. Opposition to same-sex marriage uses children much more than our side does. It’s your biggest argument. Actual abuse of children in this debate comes from the likes of Piers Akerman, who actually used his newspaper column to scold a 12 year-old for telling of how she is told her family is not normal. I saw no opponents of same-sex marriage speak up about that.

      Once again, I do not object to her expressing her story of suffering. I object to the way she said it. If she had limited her animus to the people who put her in that position, I would be okay. But she didn’t. The very first three words make that clear.

      You misunderstood my point about selfishness. I was responding to Sam’s claim that gay relationships themselves are selfish, not gay couples raising children. And please don’t lecture me about selfishness. I have no “serious soul-searching” to do just because I’m bi. I’ve got no plans to be promiscuous. I want a committed relationship. With whom that will be, we’ll see. And any choice about children will be careful and considerate of if they will be happy.

      Tony, you may have implied that you were raised by a gay couple. Were you? What happened if you were?

  7. Nick hi,
    You are young and can be excused for being naive. Gabby Baby is not told by children it is told by adults with an agenda to normalise behaviours which are not normal. Those who make films tell the story, the actors agree to accept the script or not as is their right. Children do not have the psychological maturity nor in this instance the emotional freedom to be ethically engaged in such a propaganda project. If opponents of SSM have similarly used children, (children speaking against SSM under the coercion of opponents of SSM) I have seen no examples so you might like to give an example. Either way abusing children can never be justified because someone else did it!
    I had no intent to lecture you about selfishness. My comment was rather about your possible aspirations to selflessness. Commiting yourself to another and being bisexual are mutually exclusive in an aspiration toward unselfishness.

    • It’s a documentary, not a movie. There are no actors. There is no script. I’m not going to just assume that because they’re children, they’re being coerced.

      And do you really think I am incapable of having an exclusive relationship because I’m bisexual? You seem to be judging not just my actions, but my orientation. Come on.

  8. I feel it worth noting that a follow up article by Walton confirmed the very points I’ve been making here.

    In “So, your mom’s a lesbian, eh?” she said:

    “I was surprised at the tone with which it came out. Heather [Barwick] had written this warm, fuzzy and loving piece, and I played the opposite hand.”

    Opposite to “warm, funny and loving”, apparently.

    She also felt a need to backpedal somewhat, saying:

    “I hope particular members of the community understood that it was not aimed at them directly.”

    But Brandi, why did you open it with “Dear LGBT community”? That’s not a clarification. That’s a contradiction. Those two positions cannot be reconciled.

    And she moderates her attitude to gay parents somewhat:

    “I have no reason to suspect Jeremy [Hooper] isn’t anything but a gay dad. Being gay doesn’t make him a bad father.”

    I do appreciate this follow-up, by the way.

    • Jo

      Her letter was titled the way it was bc she was responding to the previously published article written by Heather Barwick.

  9. Sam

    Homeosexuals are looking for answers in all the wrong places.
    Your relationships are mother nature forsaken and you can’t have your cake and eat it.
    Our children must be saved from this homesexual revolution being fuelled by self.
    This is one of many children speaking out and it won’t be the last.
    Save out children.

    • What’s your point?

      • Maybe reread the article Nick.

  10. Maybe reread the article Nick

  11. Every child has a fundamental human right to know and as far as possible, to be cared for by his or her mom and dad. This right of a child is also in the public interest recognised by the UN Convention on Rights of the Child, Art. 7,9.

    Marriage is not merely a public recognition of a committed relationship. The primary public interest for marriage is that it is the only institution that unites a child with her/his own mom and dad in a family. This corresponds with the interest and human right of the child.

    This concept of marriage has been recognised for centuries by every culture, every religion, every society.

    The relationship between same sexes which alienates the child from her mom and dad is not marriage and cannot be marriage. It is something else. It does not correspond with the interest and human right of the child.

    • What would you say about a child raised by a gay couple who is happier than a child raised by a straight couple? Surely the former is having its rights denied less than the latter.

      I’m also not sure why marriage means “alienating a child from its parents” in the first place.

  12. A response to the other Nick:

    I didn’t say that I, or any other (hypothetical) male parent, would do that. I said I think the child will be okay, not with having their father put it in, but just with the overall situation. This is a very minor thing, and not one I’m willing to ban gay parenting over.

  13. […] Children are psychologically fragile. Sadly, there are adults that ridicule children for things like this. It is not right but it happens. Children today have the weight of the world on their shoulders. Why add to that? Why should the child have to explain why this decision was made? There is not much statistical data that shows children are negatively affected by having parents of the same sex. There is not much data, but there is some data that shows some kids are negatively affected. The data that is out there shows that children of same sex couples are no different than children of opposite sex parents for the most part. So if this is the case, stop there, do not add anything else for the child to be forced to explain. […]

Leave a comment